mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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