Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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