is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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