there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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