I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
