I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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