dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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