Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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