Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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