we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
