When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
