u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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