I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
