dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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