Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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