tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
