I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
