My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
