drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
