There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
