i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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