No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
