carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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