Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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