he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
why is half of my head shaved?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
