Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
