You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
