So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize