i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
