i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize