I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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