the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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