just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
