You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
