Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
