saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
