oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
