hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
