no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
