She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
