He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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