Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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