bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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