i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
