Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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