so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
