I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
