I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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