ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
