remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just had sex bonerless
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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