Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
