just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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