it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my shit smells like andre
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
