guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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