We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
