btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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