he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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