And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sobbing to NWA
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