i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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