You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
