The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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