uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
