so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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