How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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