Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize