once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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