why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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