Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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