But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
