I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
