I hope mine doesn't look like that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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