There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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