i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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