Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
