he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
