I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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