Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
