Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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