The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
