And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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