I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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