hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need water and some morals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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