So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
