clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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