i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can I color on your dick again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I did not marry a roomba.
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